Sailing through life on the Sister-ship
Being a sister is a blessing and a balance. Finding that balance can take some work depending on a variety of factors — age difference, upbringing, beliefs, parental and external relationships and geographic vicinity, just to name a few.
A bit about age: Whether a 2–3 year or 10+ year difference in age, it can impact how sisters interact both positively and negatively. Closeness in age can sometimes cause sibling rivalry and comparisons, while a larger gap can cause natural distance and sometimes make the older sibling feel like another parent. This has been a challenge that I’ve faced with my own sister who is a decade younger than me. She is more than capable of making her own grown-up decisions, but for years I have carried this unnecessary parental-like concern.
My own daughters are a little less than 3 years apart and while they have different interests, hobbies and friends, they typically enjoy spending time with each other — watching movies, studying, playing video games, baking, sharing videos, singing together or some other random activity that they both care about. They are true friends and it’s a beautiful thing to watch.
Togetherness: As a parent, I have had the luxury of avoiding play dates and finding activities to keep my kids busy because my daughters have spent years entertaining each other. I know this is not the case in most homes, and I feel extremely lucky to have built-in playmates who usually stay out of any serious trouble. Over the years they have grown to learn each other and know each others preferences and opinions better than I do.
I also remember enjoying most of my time with my little sister as we were growing up. She was my real-life doll. I dressed her up and taught her new and fun things to do. I entertained her and she entertained me. I never felt like I had to babysit her.
As I got older and took on more responsibilities in life, I have sometimes felt like a third parent in terms of advising her on life. However, as my sister and I have gotten older and have faced love, loss, hopes, dreams and fears together, we realize how important it is to always have each others back.
We’re fortunate to have been able to live in the same town and within driving distance to see each other frequently. Even with the 10 year gap in age, we do share many of the same beliefs and values. We’re fortunate that our parents are still together, which makes holidays a big family affair.
Time marches on… As we get older and my daughters get older, I pay more attention to these sisterly relationships. My daughters have suggested that they might live together someday, when they move out of their childhood home. They actually want to continue to live together, which seems uncommon for most sisters.
I’ve learned over the years that regardless of how different we look or think or act as sisters, it’s knowing that your sister will always be there for you — no matter what - that makes the difference. This is not knowledge that forms overnight, its a series of events that builds a belief and proves itself when times get tough. My sister and I have had our moments, and I have no doubt that complications will arise in the future, but we will be in it together — for the good and the bad.
How we do it: Presence and communication has been a large part of what has made my relationship with my sister successful. We show up for each other, even when times are tough, and we try not to shy away from the tough talks, even the ugly cry, snotty nose ones. We certainly don’t always agree, but we always make it through to the other side and never give up on each other.
I know these dynamics don’t always exist and there are circumstances that can make sibling relationships impossible. It can be a delicate balance of give and take combined with the right amount of trust and support.
Family & friends. Siblings can be the pulse of a family just as much as they can be the pain. While there will always be tiffs and differing opinions, a strong sisterly bond can serve as a lifelong friendship and solace in this crazy, unpredictable world that we live in. For me, my sail on the Sister-ship has been a ride of a lifetime and I wouldn’t change a thing.
